


In My Head

by EvieWhite



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Unrequited Love, a sad luthor, angst central - Freeform, sleepover inspired fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 00:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvieWhite/pseuds/EvieWhite
Summary: "I don't wanna talk about it, I don't wanna think about it, I'm just feeling low, feeling low... It breaks my heart, I do this every single time, but at least I got you in my head."A short, angst filled one shot inspired by Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko.





	In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get back into writing and this is kind of a warm up, just a little something that came to me. Plus anyone who's heard Sleepover knows that it's a perfect Lena Luthor song.

The scotch is bitter as it slides down my throat, spreading warmth in the pattern of tree roots down my chest. The first glass did nothing, barely casting a shadow over the thoughts I’m trying to drown, so I sip again with an ease that only comes from cold indifference and years of practice. It hardly stings anymore, not like it used to anyways, and I contemplate going back to my liquor cabinet for something a bit stronger. 

Closing my eyes, I lean my forehead against the cool glass. In the darkness I see a blur of red and blue, a streak of golden hair, propelled foreword by sleek muscles that ripple like the surface of a pond. My eyes fly open to evaporate the image and I quickly down the rest of my scotch, wincing ever so slightly this time. Yep, I’m definitely going to need something stronger tonight.

The walk to my endless alcohol supply seems particularly long. It must be the stiffness of my hallways without any pictures on the walls, the gloom of an apartment that is barely lived in. Minimalist, Kara called it, with a wrinkle in her nose that meant she searched very hard to find a word that wouldn’t hurt my feelings. Comfortable enough, yet no real personal touches to make it inviting. Funny, my apartment only truly feels like home when Kara is here.

I need to stop… I pour a shot of vodka and tip it back despite the distinct flavor of cleaning supplies. I need to stop…

What would she think, knowing that she makes me feel more at home than a bed and four walls ever could? That the way she smiles makes my insides melt like an ice cream cone in the July sun? That she’s the best friend I’ve ever had and all I want in the world is for her to be more than that?

I need to stop! 

Typical Luthor, selfish and unsatisfied. Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? Kara would move mountains for me, I know that she would. She loves me with the same burning passion that she does everything in her extraordinary life, but at the end of the day she only sees me as her best friend and I am just going to have to live with that.

Behind my eyelids I see her again, gold hair dancing around her cheeks in the wind and blue eyes shining with a type of joy I’ve never seen before, let alone experienced. She is the picture of perfection, a goddess on earth.

I feel bad for my longings, ashamed even, but I keep my eyes closed to savor the memory longer. “This is the best day ever!” Her enthusiasm had made me giggle, sending blush across my cheeks. It really had been; a behind the scenes exclusive tour of the zoo with your cute, animal obsessed, best friend, yep, nothing better than that!

My memories shift to later that night, the both of us exhausted from our ‘friend date’. “Stay?” She had asked me, with eyes wide like a puppy’s. My heart stopped in that second, fueled by false hope and the silly delusions of a girl destined to be alone. “This is the first time I’ve really been happy since Mon-El.”

I should have said no, but how could I when I was the cause for her unhappiness in the first place? I launched her boyfriend into outer space, even if he was a manipulative, abusive, jerk who deserved it. 

Up until then I had managed to convince myself that what I was feeling was just a crush. I must have been confusing friendship love for romantic love and it would pass eventually, but once I was in Kara’s bed, beneath the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling and wrapped in her impossibly strong arms, I knew that I was wrecked. I had accidentally fallen in love with Kara Danvers, my best friend, a girl I can never have. 

Well, at least I can have her in my head. No matter how wrong that is…


End file.
